The Role My Disability Plays in My Identity

Editor’s note: This is Audrey’s response to the post that Elizabeth Sammons wrote on What Role Does Disability Play in Your Identity?. We hope that readers will read and comment with their own thoughts.

Audrey and dog guide Sophie in Alaska with snow covered mountain in background

Imagining a Bleak Future

When I first began to lose my vision, my thoughts and fears about blindness were much worse than the reality. I imagined a bleak future of helplessness and isolation; a life where I would be left behind and left out, no longer able to manage a normal life. Nothing could be farther from the truth today.

Blindness as One More Unique Characteristic

I became blind gradually and the adjustment to this new way of being was also gradual. I had to learn how to be blind and to be comfortable with myself as a person with blindness. At first this descriptor did not seem to fit me and I resisted it. But in time, it settled in on me and I yielded to it. Now, I see blindness, my disability, as just one more unique characteristic that makes me who I am. It is not the most important attribute, though it is conspicuous. I am a collection of parts, making up a whole.

We all project a certain face to the world and we all have certain identities we take on throughout life. In different stages and phases, these may change; like hats we wear and shed when no longer necessary. Some of these roles or identities cannot be set aside even if we wanted to discard them — like race, ethnicity, and disability. These are our essence, our unchangeable and authentic selves.

Why Hide or Deny Essential Core Traits?

Why then, might we want to hide, shed, or deny these most essential core traits? Usually it is because someone told us it was a negative trait to have. Through social interactions, we may learn it is “bad” to be disabled. Some will internalize this and develop a negative self-image. That is one of the problems with labels. The other problem with labels is they can encourage a person to fully embody the label, and it becomes the dominant characteristic while all others fall away. Labels always limit people.

I have come to blindness later in life. I have accrued many roles, attributes, and identities over my lifetime as a woman in her 50’s; daughter, sister, wife, nurse, mother, friend, blogger, and soon to be grandmother! By now, I have sifted through the labels and statuses society has tried to impose on me, to embrace only the ones which fit and come without judgment. Disabled as a label, fits but it does not tell you all there is to know about me. We are more than a single label just as I am more than my disability. I do not mind the label per se, what I mind is when people look no further or make assumptions about me based on that one characteristic.

“Blind”–Just Another Unique Descriptor

“Blind” is just another unique descriptor to me and it is not necessarily a negative one that I need to hide or reject. It makes it difficult sometimes for family and friends to relate to me. And it has elicited awkward responses from strangers in public. But I believe this comes from a lack of understanding and less from judgement. I don’t make the assumption that they see me as “less than” themselves because of my vision loss.

Many people try to “relate” and connect with me but do not have experience with blindness. So they say weird things like “Well, you don’t look blind.” And I try to be understanding; they just don’t know what to say. In these situations, I like to think of myself as an ambassador for the blind. I may be the only person with a visual impairment this person has ever met. So it is important to increase their awareness through our interaction so they will have increased understanding the next time.

Feel No Compulsion to Become “Super Blind”

I have accepted my vision loss and all the changes that come along with it. It is what it is and I feel no compulsion to overcompensate for it or to become “super blind.” I am comfortable with my identity as a visually impaired woman…or is that a “woman with a visual impairment?” Either way, I just ask you to remember there are many more hats that I wear and more to discover about me beyond my disability.